Title: St Patricks Night Lions Party
Location: The Blarney Stone, Playa de la Arena
Description: Santiago del Teide Lions Club invite you to become Irish for the night. There’s an Irish singing duo fresh from Ireland, and plenty of food. Tickets 15 euros from The Blarney Stone, starts at 7.30pm.
Date: 2010-03-17

Imagine Easter without eggs, Christmas without turkey and bank holidays without transport strikes, it’s just not right. Arona council has done worse than that, this years Los Cristianos Carnaval will be without a sardine funeral. The council have shot themselves in the fin by refusing permission for the traditional riotous end of Carnaval, due, they say, to the financial crisis.

Vecinos de los Cristianos, the neighbourhood association are furious. Tourism times are hard and the mock funeral parade to the beach, complete with cross dressing wailing widows, comedy clergymen and the huge papier mache sardine, is one of the biggest crowd pullers of the year.

The bad news almost went unnoticed, the official Carnaval programme and posters only hit the streets a few days ago and bear the dates 5 March to 14 March. Many publicity outlets assumed that Monday 15 March had just been missed off, after all the funeral follows the Sunday Coso parade like night follows day and always has done.

The sardine funeral is often referred to as a burial but ends with the sardine being cremated on the beach amid a cascade of fireworks. The whole thing started as a rebellious two fingers to the Catholic church following Lent. During the Lent period meat eating was always banned by the church, but they turned a blind eye to their wealthy friends and benefactors indulgencies, leaving the poor people to forage for sardines.

In the back waters of Los Cristianos feverish plans are being made.  I have an inside source, for the purposes of secrecy and outrageous mystique lets call him John West, he insists that a rebel sardine will appear on Monday night. That might cause quite a stink, police co-operation would normally be needed to close roads and clear parked cars on the route from the cultural centre to the beach. All this is against a backdrop of proposed industrial action by the Arona Policia Local, which has twice been headed off at the last minute in recent weeks.

It would be shocking if this slice of history was sunk without a trace, Tenerife Magazine will be throwing fishnets over the Los Cristianos area on Monday night, ready for a big fish or a tin of tuna. One thing is for sure, this year fins ain’t what they used to be.

Title: Refugees In The Desert – Concert
Location: Santa Cruz Auditorium
Link out: Click here
Description: A feast of classical music from composers such as Wagner, Listz, and Schubert, performed by international soloists. Tixkets for this charity concert are all 15 euros, from the Auditorium website or call the box office on 902317327.Starts at 9pm.
Date: 2010-03-20

Title: Barricada – Concert
Location: Parque Maritimo, Santa Cruz
Description: My head banging friends assure me that these Spanish rockers compare favourably with AC/DC. The Parque car park near the Auditorium should be rocking well. Show starts at 10pm, tickets 20 euros from www.generaltickets.com/cajacanarias
Date: 2010-04-24

A swagger of Rolls Royces, a clutch of Kawasakis, and a fanfare of Fords, Jeremy Clarkson would be drooling all over the Recinto Ferial in Santa Cruz  if he could see the motors on show at Autoepoca. With the Spanish RAC celebrating it’s hundredth birthday, classic and antique collectors’ clubs have loaned their pride and joy to this four day event in the heart of the Tenerife capital.

Blimey, someone’s been busy with the polish, that was my first thought as I entered the motor pool clutching my newly acquired three euro ticket. Spread out before me was a dazzling array of 200 cars and 50 motorbikes each with a story to tell of a bygone age of happy motoring. Not being an expert by any means, and with few of the exhibits identified by name or history, feel free to check the accuracy of my research as I introduce you to a few famous names.

Let’s start with something smooth and stylish, the Packard Eight 443 Sedan ((top pic), made in America in 1928, I felt guilty for just breathing by it. The eight cylinders purr under that creamy veneer, a real style icon but one of the most expensive of it’s day at 4,250 dollars. I promised you bikes, and what a cool sturdy number the Ducati 200 Elite (just above) is. Built in 1962, the 204 cc steel framed steed is surprisingly unthirsty at 70 miles to the gallon.

The motors on display also give an insight into their heydays. Take the Willys Overland Whippet Six (yes I know it sounds like a soul group). It was built in Toledo, Ohio in 1927 and its low price made it popular with students, hence the often used name, Collegiate Roadster (top pic above) . The car soon found keen owners abroad, this Model  93 A was originally owned by  Fyffe’s LTD, the family that introduced bananas to the Canary Islands. Some cars were just beyond me, this burgundy beauty is a Brevette (just above), I may have failed to unlock its history but I was still very taken by its sheer neatness of design.

Time to wave the flag for old blighty, the 1928 Willys Overland  Manchester (just below) came from the same U.S kennel as the Whippet but was shipped in kit form to Heaton Chapel, where it was assembled and took the local city name. Or how about the great Austin Healey 3000 Mark 3 (bottom below)  a real bit of British team work. The 1963  bodywork was made by Jenson Motors in West Bromwich and later assembled at BMC in Abingdon, better known as the home of the MG.

That just gives you a taste of the treats on offer at Autoepoca, hurry though, you only have a few days. The show continues to Sunday 7 March, from 11am to 9pm daily, and all for a measly three euros entry. There’s plenty of parking, it’s easy to find on the coast road (Avenida de la Constitucion) into Santa Cruz, and they even have a café and bar.

When the happy hours are not enough to dispel the misery of living, and the drug induced highs are eclipsed by incredible lows, the party has to stop. For many young people chasing a better life in Tenerife, the dream turns into a frightening reality. That’s when The Living Room in the nightlife heartland of Playa de Las Americas can offer a safety net.

Perched on top of a fast food joint and a pole dancing bar, The Living Room has been a beacon of hope for seven years. Aimed at the 18 to 30 crowd, it stretches out a hand to those that have succumbed to the excesses of drink and drugs. Toni came from a rough area in Birmingham, having dabbled in the rave scene and its related drugs. “I came to Tenerife for a holiday and found bar work, I hadn’t really drunk much before but I was soon binge drinking. Most mornings I didn’t know how I had got home, it was cheap nights out as most bars knew me and I got offered free shots and drinks.”

It took the death of a friend to shock her into seeking help. “A friend of mine was barred from the bar I worked in and a few hours later he overdosed on drugs and died. I was in a mess and started praying in desperation, and then I was put in touch with Lee who runs The Living Room. He helped with funeral arrangements and through him and the Breakfree Ministries I found God and feel happy with myself at last. I have been clean for over two years and I’m training to help other addicts.”

Lee Mountford helped to set up The Living Room; from an idea in 2000, through desperate fund raising and hard work, to converting the former bar and grill into the drop-in centre it is now. The sign above the building clearly identifies it as a Christian centre but Lee stresses that although they live by Christian values, it’s not a message that is rammed home by the seven full and part time staff. “We try to offer respect, love, help and not judge people. I came over here to work as a PR (enticing customers into bars) but lost the plot; the church saved me and now I try to do the same for others.”

The Living Room only opens from 4pm to 7pm Tuesday to Friday but they also go out into the local night time community. “Three of us volunteer to mingle with people in Veronicas, Starco and The Patch three nights a week from 11pm to 4am, we get to know people and hopefully they learn to trust us and can come to us with their problems. We can put people in touch with other helpful groups such as the Amigo de Lourdes drug rehab centre in Abades.”

Steve, a former heroin addict, is now able to draw on his horrific experiences to guide others in a new direction. “ I left Bolton and travelled a lot before settling in Tenerife. I used cheap alcohol to replace the heroin rush and after working here in timeshare, I lost my job and apartment and ended up sleeping in boarded up shops in Puerto Colon.”

Luckily for Steve, Toni came across him and got him into the Abades centre and then involved with The Living Room. “ It’s crazy; at the height of my problems I was paying money I didn’t have to try to feel as content as I am now. But I couldn’t see any hope at the time.”

The recession and crash in tourist visitors has seen an increase in homelessness but Steve can offer some temporary hope. “There is the Alberg hostel in Taco, Santa Cruz that will take people in.” Lee knows how easy it is to get to that level. “Some people come to Tenerife to escape problems they already have, and others fall for a combination of drink, drugs, sex, lack of decent food, working strange hours and no family to support them.” The Living Room doesn’t have all the answers, but their staff have experienced the problems, and can at least point people in the right direction.

Title: Los Cristianos Carnaval Coso Parade
Location: From Paloma Beach to the Recinto Ferial.
Description: The big celebration parade featuring all the main performers, bands, and dancers. Starts at 5pm.
Date: 2010-03-14

Title: Los Cristianos Street Carnaval
Location: From Los Cristianos Cultural Centre to the beach.
Description: Dance, drink, mingle and enjoy the noise and colour of Carnaval.Starts at 7pm.
Date: 2010-03-13

Title: Los Cristianos Carnaval Queen Election
Location: Recinto Ferial
Description: Who will lift the senior crown? Find out at the big gala at the Recinto Ferial, by the Valdes Centre – look out for the Eagle. Starts at 9pm.
Date: 2010-03-12

Title: Los Cristianos Carnaval Infant Queen Election
Location: Recinto Ferial
Description: Who will lift the crown? Find out at the Recinto Ferial, by the Valdes Centre. Starts at 8.30pm.
Date: 2010-03-11