That’s it, the main carnivals on Tenerife are over for another year and all I’ve got left to show for it is a face that’s still slightly blue from an over enthusiastic application of face paint, an exhausted body and a whole load of photographs, many of which are probably too risqué to include here.

If you were unlucky enough to miss out on carnaval on Tenerife this year, here’s a brief selection of images to give you a flavour of the fun. In the interest of decency I’ve omitted any shots of the numerous fake genitals that were thrust my way over the course of the week – at least I think they were fake.

A contestant in the outrageous Mascarita Ponte Tacón (High Heels Marathon) in Puerto de la Cruz – either that or a swallow who’s wandered up from the beach. Presumably the rubber ring was to save him from drowning in the gallons of beer that the contestants downed before taking part in the race.

Amongst the hordes of men dressed as women at carnaval there were actually some real women as well. This girl just looked enchanting and represented the more elegant face of carnaval.

…whereas I’m not sure you could say the same for this girl. This is what carnaval is all about – an overdose of outrageous imagination. Expect Madonna to be sporting this look on her next tour.

But no matter how hard the ‘ladymen’ try, they can’t overshadow the carnaval queens. A carnaval dame with a smile bright enough to chase away the storm clouds.

The beauty of carnaval is that it’s for everyone – from grannies in costumes which border on indecent exposure to tiny tots desperately trying to remember their dance moves. Cue lots of cute moments.

Carnaval wouldn’t be carnaval without a healthy dose of South American Latino spirit which means tribal drum beats and flamboyant dancers galore. Viva Carnaval – I can’t wait for next year’s.

You have to think of ‘carnaval’ as a bit like Quentin Tarantino’s movie Pulp Fiction. The last scene in that movie was of John Travolta and Samuel Jackson walking, with frostbite-inducing coolness, out of a diner…but that wasn’t actually the end of the story. In chronological terms that scene really took place half-way through the film.

Similarly Santa Cruz holds its closing parade (Coso Apoteosis) today, but don’t pack away those fishnets and false boobs yet because it’s not the end of Carnaval. There are another five days of wild street parties and outrageous fun to enjoy at the island’s biggest celebrations in Santa Cruz and Puerto de la Cruz.

If you’ve never been before here are some essential tips worth knowing before taking the plunge into the hedonistic and bizarre waters of a carnival street party.

Street Party Preparation
Wrap a boa around your neck (I meant a feather one, but a constrictor would definitely have more impact) and stick a sparkly cowboy hat on your head and you’ll immediately feel part of carnaval. With a bit of creative thinking you can blast straight into the equivalent of carnaval’s premiership – when people want to have their photo taken with you. Face paint is ideal for achieving unique results. Think topical movies for an eye-catching look. At last night’s street party in Puerto a quartet decked out as N’avi from the movie Avatar were the stand-out costumes of the night.

When to Arrive
Don’t turn up at a street party much before midnight – even that’s a bit early. Street parties don’t hit their stride till between 1am and 2am. If you’re like me it can take superhuman effort to start getting into fancy dress at 11pm – last night it was touch and go. Going out to party at midnight on a Monday night just seemed to go against the grain. But once you arrive in the middle of carnaval’s in-yer-face-assault of colour, noise and ‘is that a he, or is that a she?’ costumes, time is banished to another dimension.

What to Drink
Surprisingly drink is very cheap from street kiosks at carnival. Cañas (glasses of beer) are usually €1 and combinados (spirit and mixer) around €3.50. It’s easy to get completely caught up in the carnaval spirit. A bit of pacing is advisable if you want to last the course as spirit measures are seriously potent. A couple of years ago a friend matched our beer-drinking glass for glass with vodka and tonic combinados . After about an hour and a half we could have poured her into a glass – for her the carnaval was well and truly over.

What to Expect
Street parties are loud, brash and seriously addictive fun. They are also a people-watcher’s Nirvana. At their zenith, around 3am, they can feel as though the whole world has put on fancy dress and joined the party.
Last night I was jostled, bumped, flashed at, hugged and kissed by all manner of odd looking creatures which shared one thing in common…they all had big beaming smiles splitting their surreal features. Watch out for hobbit-sized teenage Canarian girls who barge through the crowds at elbow level like Tasmanian Devils – they’re the biggest threat to the drink in your hand.

…And Finally – What Time do the Street Parties End?
Officially the music is supposed to stop at around 5am during the week and 6am at weekends, but that doesn’t mean the party stops.  I usually drag myself away from the multi-coloured madness somewhere between 4am and 5am. But I’ve known friends reluctantly stagger out of popular carnaval bars at 8am – clearly I’m only a lightweight.

¡Viva La Fiesta!